Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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