we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
