I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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