Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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