Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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