Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
