is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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