Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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