But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
