Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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