I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
