I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
