still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
