If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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