I'm gonna have a badass scar
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
