u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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