I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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