Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
