remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Randomize
