Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
