peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
