super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
