Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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