so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You need Xanax blowdarts
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
