I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
