I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
