Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
