So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize