Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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