I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
