think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
