I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
