You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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