Non-Jews are for practice
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
