You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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