the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
