Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
