Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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