we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
