honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
