She's JV to your varsity
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
