nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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