Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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