Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Randomize
