K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
