By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
