I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
