So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I could make wine with my vomit
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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