ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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