Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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