So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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