o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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