can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
