he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
