1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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