I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
