Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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