I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
