It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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