I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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