What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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