the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
