6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize