Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
