I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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