I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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