It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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