I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
