How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
