btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
