No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize