TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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