i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
