I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
