ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
They are going to name an STD after you.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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