Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
